Think Kids. The key to co-parenting is to focus on your child. This can be very difficult and it also means that your own emotions towards the divorce or your ex has to come second to the needs of your child. Setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.
You’re The Parent. Always remember, YOU are the parent and only you and your ex will know what is best for your child. Forceful family and friends telling you how to raise your child and how to deal with your ex will only complicate the situation. Therefore, say thanks but no thanks when outside opinions become overwhelming.
Do.The best way to think of the divorce is beginning a new parenting relationship with your ex. This new relationship should focus on your child and their well-being. Here is a helpful list of things you should do to encourage a positive relationship:
Don’t. During the divorce process it can be difficult to not be curious about your ex and how they’re doing. Here are a few tips on how to keep the new parenting relationship with your ex positive.
Communicate. Face it, if you have children with your ex, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children would be to learn how to communicate with them. This means avoiding unnecessary confrontations! So the next time you’re fuming with anger, put the phone away and write down your feelings. Wait until you’re not in the heat of the moment to communicate and think to yourself: “Is what I want to say beneficial to my child?” It’s healthier for your child’s well-being if they see you cooperating, communicating, and working together. If accomplishing this is a problem, consider taking the time to see a Family Mediator. Family Mediators are certified professionals that can help find the best way for you and your ex to co-parent in an effective and healthy manner. Consider therapy independently, especially if your ex will not agree to mediation, or you believe your personal emotions and/or behaviors would interfere with, or impede your ability to work cooperatively in mediation. Here is a guide of signs that you and your ex should see a Family Mediator:
Problems. In a divorce, children will be dealing with a lot of questions, stress, and changes. All of these things can really effect your child. As a parent you should be on the look out for issues that may be effecting your child. Always remember that its okay to seek out professional help when you need it, whether it be support groups, seeing a family mediator, or maybe even a psychologist. Children should be seen by a professional when you come across these issues:
Plan. A key factor to remember when co-parenting is consistency. Therefore, it would be in the best interest of your children to plan out schedules with your ex as much as possible. Avoiding problems or confrontation means compromising and being flexible. So the next time your ex is late to meet you or of they forget to send the kids to school with lunch, write it down and breathe. Again, consider seeing a family mediator if these issues continue. Here is a helpful way to keep confrontations minimal:
Help. There are a number of ways you can seek help for co-parenting or your divorce. Here is a list of ideas that could help sort out conflicts in your situation:
Keep in mind our agency has a Social Worker who is certified by the Supreme Court as a Family Mediator, Parent Coordinator, and Case Manager. For adults and children, our psychologists offer goal-oriented individual therapy for key emotional and behavioral concerns, such as anxiety disorders, mood disorders, adult ADHD, and separation and divorce counseling.
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